Resolved: I am never making another New Year’s resolution!
Anne couldn’t help smiling at her own foolishness. Her mother’s words kept echoing down through the years, “Never say, ‘Never,’ because the minute you do, the Universe finds a way to make you eat those words.”
“I love it when an expression of hypocrisy and a conundrum end up in the same sentence,” she thought.
She just was not feeling like celebrating or making resolutions. She had left far too much undone to start over but re-examining old regrets wasn’t a clean break either. She kept thinking about past years’ resolutions. Last year it was fudge. The year before that alcohol. Seemed like every time she gave up one addiction, another one reared its monstrous head. She was sick of it. “Why does my past haunt me at New Year’s?” she wondered.
She wished she could fast forward to some year in the future so that she could be remembering this January First as “way back in 2013.” Unfortunately, she was old enough that it wouldn’t be that many years when a look back to 2013 might just give her a glimpse of herself from the casket being wheeled into church for her own memorial service. Well, except all those who mattered in her life knew that she has opted for cremation without any further ado, with her body in a casket and all that.
She had been considering having her cadaver donated to a medical school. “Do they want a fat old lady corpse,” she wondered, “Or, are they more picky these days? Maybe it costs more to pickle a fat body so they reject those offers.”
“Oh, for heaven’s sake, Anne,” she thought, “How morbid are you planning to get? Why don’t you just sit down and plan a pity party and get it over with?”
Anne realized she was getting really negative and decided it was time to start practicing some positivity. “So, what would I really like to experience in 2013?” she asked herself.
With that question, she felt herself float into a reverie. As if in a dream, she began seeing illusions.
It was a dark and stormy night. “Wait a minute here,” she thought, “What kind of cliched beginning is that?” She shook her head. At first the reverie cleared for a moment, then slowly reappeared. She heard a clock begin to strike the midnight hour. As the first gong died away, she began to see movement in the shadows. Like transparencies rippling in the dusk. With each strike of the bell, though, they became clearer. As the last strike faded, they began to speak.
An older man spoke first, “Why do you berate yourself?” he said.
“Can he read my mind?” she asked herself. Why else would he ask her that question if he hadn’t been ‘listening’ to her own thoughts of self-reproach?
Next an older woman came closer to her and said, “All you need is within you. Find your heart and you will find your way.”
She recognized them now. She had just been looking at Carlos Barrios’ Book of Destiny on her Kindle. It seemed these were the Mayan elders, speaking words of wisdom. This was a new experience for her. Though she had been taught over the years to visualize her dreams and aspirations, she had not ever been able to conjure an image from her heart’s desire. Here she was now in the middle of a magical moment in which images from beyond her wildest dreams had been evoked without any effort on her part.
She was in awe. “Here it is the eve of the New Year 2013. The ancient Mayan calendar has ended, but the Mayans are here gifting me with their insight from the ages.”
With the term forming a new definition in her mind, Anne felt the gratitude of years-old petitions being answered wash over her.